The Secret to Programming Language Popularity: The Bearded Truth

Programming languages come and go, but some rise to the top and become industry standards. What’s their secret? Is it technical brilliance, community support, or maybe just a bit of luck? Today, we’ll take a lighthearted journey through programming history to uncover a surprising pattern that might just explain it all.

Disclaimer: This article is meant to be humorous! If you’re a die-hard fan of a particular language or lack a sense of irony, please read with a grain of salt.

A Brief Stroll Down Memory Lane

Let’s rewind to the early 2000s, when Wi-Fi wasn’t standard in laptops, Bluetooth was a novelty, and many of today’s developers were still in school. Around that time, a quirky article surfaced online, proposing a theory about programming language popularity. The original post is lost to the sands of the internet, but its core idea is too good to forget—and too important not to share with a new generation of developers.

The Usual Suspects: Who Tops the Charts?

Every year, rankings like the TIOBE Index list the most popular programming languages. The top spots rarely change:

Python
C++
C
Java

Let’s meet their creators and see if you notice a pattern.

Python

Creator: Guido van Rossum
Why it’s loved: Simple, readable, and powerful. Python code often does in one line what takes pages in other languages.

C++

Creator: Bjarne Stroustrup
Why it’s loved: Fast, versatile, and foundational for modern IT. (Just don’t ask about compile times!)

C

Creators: Ken Thompson & Dennis Ritchie
Why it’s loved: The backbone of countless systems, with a syntax inherited by many successors.

Java

Creator: James Gosling
Why it’s loved: Ubiquitous in enterprise, mobile, and web applications.

The Pattern Emerges

Take a closer look at the photos above. Notice anything? That’s right—beards! It seems the most successful languages were created by developers with impressive facial hair.

But let’s not jump to conclusions. Let’s check a few more languages.

More Languages, More Beards (or Not)

C

Creator: Anders Hejlsberg
Beard status: Present

JavaScript

Creator: Brendan Eich
Beard status: Absent

Scratch

Creator: Mitchel Resnick
Beard status: Present

FORTRAN

Creator: John Backus
Beard status: Absent

BASIC

Creators: Thomas Kurtz & John Kemeny
Beard status: Absent

SQL

Creators: Donald Chamberlin & Raymond Boyce
Beard status: Absent

PHP

Creator: Rasmus Lerdorf
Beard status: Present

Perl

Creator: Larry Wall
Beard status: Absent

Go

Creators: Robert Griesemer, Rob Pike, Ken Thompson
Beard status: Mixed (Ken Thompson: beard legend)

COBOL

Creator: Grace Hopper
Beard status: Not applicable (but legendary nonetheless)

Lisp

Creator: John McCarthy
Beard status: Present

Smalltalk

Creators: Alan Kay, Adele Goldberg, Dan Ingalls
Beard status: Mixed

Pascal, Modula, Oberon, etc.

Creator: Niklaus Wirth
Beard status: Present

Ada

Creator: Jean Ichbiah
Beard status: Present

Forth

Creator: Charles H. Moore
Beard status: Present

APL

Creator: Kenneth E. Iverson
Beard status: Present

Ruby

Creator: Yukihiro Matsumoto
Beard status: Present

Erlang

Creators: Joe Armstrong, Robert Virding, Mike Williams, Bjarne Däcker
Beard status: Mixed

Brainfuck

Creator: Urban Müller
Beard status: Unclear, but the code is hairy enough!

R

Creators: Ross Ihaka & Robert Gentleman
Beard status: Present

Kotlin

Creator: Andrey Breslav
Beard status: Not at first—but for the launch presentation, he donned a beard!

The «Beard Law» of Programming Languages

Conclusion: The most successful programming languages are often created by developers with beards. Coincidence? Maybe. But if you’re planning to design the next big language, you might want to consider growing some facial hair—or at least faking it for the launch event!

Of course, there are exceptions, and correlation doesn’t imply causation. But it’s a fun pattern to spot, and it’s been noticed by others too—even Wired wrote about it.

Final Thoughts & Tips

Don’t take this too seriously! The real secret to a language’s success is a mix of technical merit, timing, community, and sometimes a bit of luck.
Appreciate the pioneers. Whether bearded or not, the creators of these languages have shaped the world of technology.
If you’re building your own language: Focus on solving real problems, building a strong community, and maybe—just maybe—consider the power of a good beard.

Happy coding, and may your syntax always be clean (and your chin optionally fuzzy)!