“Should Retired Parents Help Around the House? My Mom Says She’s Done Her Part and Now It’s Her Time to Enjoy Life”

When my parents retired, I thought it would be a time of joy and relaxation for them. They had worked hard their entire lives, and I was happy they could finally enjoy the fruits of their labor. However, I didn’t anticipate how their retirement would affect our family dynamics.

My mom, in particular, has always been the backbone of our family. She managed the household, raised us kids, and even worked part-time to help make ends meet. When she retired, she made it clear that she was done with all that. “I’ve done my part,” she said. “Now it’s time for me to live for my own pleasure.”

At first, I understood her perspective. She deserved a break. But as time went on, it became clear that her new lifestyle was causing tension in our family. My dad, who had always been more laid-back, seemed to follow her lead. They started traveling frequently, spending more time with their friends, and less time with us.

I have two young children and a demanding job. My husband works long hours, and we often rely on family support to manage our busy lives. Before their retirement, my parents were always willing to help out. They would babysit the kids, help with school projects, and even cook meals for us when we were too exhausted to do it ourselves.

But now, whenever I ask for help, my mom’s response is always the same: “I’m retired. I want to enjoy my life now.” My dad nods in agreement, and that’s the end of the conversation.

It’s not that they don’t love us or care about us. I know they do. But their priorities have shifted, and it’s hard not to feel abandoned. My siblings and I have tried to talk to them about it, but the discussions always end in frustration. They feel they’ve earned this time for themselves, and we feel like we’re left to fend for ourselves.

The situation came to a head last Thanksgiving. We had planned a big family dinner, and I was counting on my mom to help with the preparations. But when I called her a week before the holiday, she told me they had booked a last-minute trip to Florida. “We need some sunshine,” she said cheerfully. “You can handle Thanksgiving without us.”

I was stunned. Thanksgiving had always been a family affair, and my mom was usually the one orchestrating everything. I felt overwhelmed and hurt. My siblings were equally shocked, but there was nothing we could do. We ended up having a much smaller dinner, and it just didn’t feel the same without them.

Since then, things have only gotten worse. My parents are more distant than ever, and our once-close family feels fractured. I’ve tried to be understanding, but it’s hard not to feel resentful. I miss the support they used to provide, and I worry about how this will affect our children. They adore their grandparents and don’t understand why they don’t see them as often anymore.

I’ve talked to friends about this, and it seems like I’m not alone. Many of them have similar stories about retired parents who have decided to prioritize their own happiness over family obligations. It’s a difficult situation because there’s no easy solution. On one hand, I want my parents to enjoy their retirement. On the other hand, I feel like they’ve abandoned us when we still need them.

As time goes on, I’m learning to adjust my expectations. I’ve started looking for other sources of support, like hiring a babysitter or asking friends for help. It’s not the same as having my parents around, but it’s a start.

I don’t know if things will ever go back to the way they were. Maybe this is just a new phase in our family life that we all need to adapt to. But it’s hard not to feel a sense of loss for the close-knit family we once were.